Jum'at ini, hari terakhir di bulan Agustus 2007, hampir semua bapak2 di kantorku ga ngantor krn mereka mau maen golf bareng. Entah bareng siapa, mungkin sesama AD satu angkatan dulu untuk sekedar bernostalgia, menikmati weekend atau seperti biasa, dengan maksud dan tujuan politik di belakangnya. So hari ini hanya ada aku, pak BS, Mas Nt, para OB, receptionist and security guards.
Aku mulai mereview keberadaanku di kantor ini, di lingkungan ini, setelah 6 bulan aku bergabung dengan tim ini.
Entah apa daya tarik yg ada sehingga aku memilih untuk bergabung dgn tim ini. Padahal pd saat yg sama aku jg keterima di Sampoerna Foundation utk pekerjaan yg jg menantang, aku suka, dan bekal yg aku dpaat dr pekerjaan sebelumnya akan terpakai. Selain itu, SF menawarkan gaji yg hampir 2 kali lipat, dan fasilitas2 yg menggiurkan seperti adanya kendaraan operasional kalo aku hrs bepergian, pinjaman laptop krn most of the time aku hrs buat tulisan, serta tunjangan2 lain. Seems perfect.... Berandai2 jika aku memilih bekerja dgn SF....Aku bisa menulis, sambil mengasah otak dgn menganalisisnya, research yg pasti aku suka, meeting dgn orang2 penting, bernegosiasi dan bakalan sering travel jkt-bandung dan sekitarnya.
Ya, 6 bulan lalu adalah salah satu saat yg berat utk dilalui, krn aku dihadapkan dengan 3 pilihan.
Perusahaan multinational yg sudah setahun lebih aku bersamanya, yg telah mau memberangkatkan aku ke negara kecil dan maju, tetangga kita itu utk digembleng, dengan segala suka duka, pengalaman dan ilmu yg kudapat darinya, mengharap aku msh mau bekerja dengan mereka.
Aku sadar mereka memang sangat membutuhkan orang2 berpengalaman, mengingat mereka baru saja membuka kantor di Indonesia ini. Walalupun bosku saat itu berusaha menahanku dgn berbagai cara, mengiming2i berbagai posisi yg sangat mungkin aku dapatkan, mengatakan bahwa big boss dr Singapore akan datang sebentar lg dan dia ingin bicara 4 mata kepadaku utk work out something yg mgkn bs mencegah aku utk keluar dari sana (which i know sometimes it's full of s**t). Selain itu ia mengatakan kesempatan2 lain yg akan aku dapatkan jika aku mau bertahan disana..... Oh......andai aku bisa.....
Saat itu aku dapat kekuatan yg selama ini aku ga miliki. Aku berani sekali utk mengatakan: " Thank you but all i need is not a new position, a new division, but i nedd a new environment, that's why i decide to leave"....... Setelah mengucapkan itu aku sempat kehilangan kesadaran sepersekian detik, merasa sedih telah menolak tawaran, sekaligus bangga pada diri sendiri krn akhirnya aku berani berkata begitu pd seorang boss. God, aku sangat tidak suka suasana perpisahan, resigantion dan saat ngomong langsung utk melakukan penolakan.... Tp perusahaan itu jg yg telah mengajarkanku utk berani mengemukakan dna mengekspresikan diri. Sungguh, bukan suatu hal yg mudah aku melakukan ini. Aku merasa apa yg mereka telah berikan padaku belum seimbang dgn apa yg aku beri, tp aku harus pergi......
SF mewawancaraiku sejak Januari, namun blm bisa memutuskan krn mereka msh memiliki masalah intern dgn administrasinya. Tapi aku punya feeling bagus akan diterima, krn setelah interview Pak ARN langsung memberikan kartu namanya. Dari pengalaman aku sebelumnya, di SC Bank dan ME, kalo si pewawancara memberikan kartu nama, itu pertanda positif. Setelah waktu yg ia janjikan akan menelponku utk memberikan keputusan sudah lewat, aku berani utk menelepon bapak itu. Jawaban pertamanya memang dia blm bs memutuskan krn memang lembaga yg akan dibangun ini msh tahap awal, perlu persiapan ttg kontrak karyawan dan masalah administrasi lainnya.
Seminggu kemudian, dia di luar negeri. Seminggu lagi, dia dlm perjalanan ke Bandung ketika aku telepon, jawabannya msh sama. Aku bilang bahwa aku sangat tertarik utk pekerjaan ini, tp aku ga mau ketergantungan dan menelepon dia terus2an. Akhirnya dia berjanji akan memberi kabar pertengahan Maret. See how persistent i am?? Dan aku sudah bisa merasakan chemistry dari sang manager akademik dari SBM- ITB itu. Dia tidak keberatan aku meneleponnya berulang kali, krn dia tau aku suka pekerjaan ini, dan rasanya kalo boleh ge er, dia jg suka dgn profile aku, dan sangat ingin mempekerjakan aku..hehehe.
Pertengahan Maret sudah berlalu dan aku sudah menjalani interview yg lain, yg sama anehnya, krn aku tidak pernah apply utk pekerjaan itu. Dan ketika aku dan bosku yg skrg ini akhirnya bersepakat "YA", SF jg memberikan kabar "YA". Dan keduanya mengharapkan aku bisa bergabung 2 minggu lagi, awal April. Kembali aku berada dlm keadaan yg tidak nyaman. Telah bersepakat "YA" dgn pekerjaan yg prosesnya lebih cepat daripada pekerjaan yg aku sangat inginkan. Dan pekerjaan yg aku sangat inginkan itu memang menawarkan hal2 ygmenggiurkan.
Gaji luamayan(well, utk ukuran lulusan S1 IPB yg kerja di Indonesia, segitu termasuk besar), kerja di Sudirman bling-bling, di gedung yg sangat bergengsi, fasilitas dan tunjangan.....Uhh.....
Aku berkata jujur pada bosku yg telah aku sepakati "YA" bahwa SF menerimaku jg (tp aku tdk blg ttg gaji dan sgl fasilitas), aku hanya berkata bahwa aku jd bimbang, krn aku jg suka perkerjaan yg SF tawarkan.
Bosku tdk memaksaku utk mengambil pilihan yg skrg ini.........Sungguh seorang wanita yg jg bs menjadi sumber inspirasiku..... Orangnya cantik, pintar, baik, kabutuhan materi jelas tidak kurang, orang terkenal pula.... Well, i could only see her on TV or newspapaer before.
Ya, dan aku memberanikan diri lg untuk berkata "Tidak" (dgn sangat berat hati) kepada SF.
Disinilah aku sekarang....... Entah bekerja sbg apa, krn bosku itu pun tdk menemukan kata yg tepat utk manamai kedudukanku di sini. Boleh dibilang aku tdk punya rekan kerja yg sama tugasnya dgnku. Aku sendiri di ruangan ini.
Di ruangan lain, bapak2 purnawirawan TNI yg dulu sewaktu masih aktif, mereka menjabat posisi penting di Indonesia ini. Jadi bosku itu satu2nya wanita dan dari kalangan sipil (non militer) di kantor ini. Setelah dia merekrut aku, kita berdua lah wanita di kantor ini yg mengerjakan misi ini. Ada seorang wanita lain, dosen di Univ Moestopo Beragama, tp dia tdk begitu concern dgn project ini. Ibu dosen dan bosku itu jarang datang ke kantor ini, jd sehari2 aku sendiri lah wanitanya, paling muda dan paling tdk berpengalaman dlm politik.
Aku diperlakukan sama dgn bapak2 itu. Tiap pagi datang, OB menyiapkan minuman buatku, dan aku bisa meminta tolong mereka jg utk melakukan apa pun. Aku makan siang jg bareng dgn bapak2 itu, di ruangan makan yg proper (pegawai lain di dapur). Kadang sungkan bareng dgn mereka, tp mereka selalu mengajakku utk makan bareng, dan aku ga mungkin menolak. Kadang2 ketika kita sedang makan siang, ada tamu yg langsung diajak makan jg, dan ternyata tamu itu adalah menteri lah, kedubes lah, orang penting deh.... trs mereka bicara politik, politik dan politik yg kadang aku ga nyambung dan hanya bs diam dan menyimak..... Sungguh sungkan..... Tp ya itu td, aku diposisikan utk bareng2 dgn mereka. Paling2 akunya saja yg menyesuaikan dan tahu diri utk tdk berlama2 dgn mereka jika mereka akan membicarakan hal sangat rahasia dan sebaiknya aku tidak usah tau.
Kadang sangat tersiksa untuk menentukan apakah aku sebaiknya terlibat atau tidak dlm suatu diskusi, apakah aku hrs makan siang duluan krn bapak2 itu nanti akan makan siang bareng dgn bbrp tamunya (tp kalo aku duluan terkesan tdk sopan, dan mereka akan mencariku lg ketika mereka akan makan, tp aku sungkan utk bareng2 dgn para tamu yg aku ga kenal dan mereka biasanya lanjut diskusi penting), apakah aku hrs sering2 nongol ke ruangan bapak yg dianggap komandan di sini, apakah hrs begini atau hrs begitu.....arrrrghh.......
Senang rasanya ketika bosku dan rekannya yg kuanggap bos jg, datang menyambangiku. Suasana jd tdk terlalu kaku khas militer, kita bs bercanda, akrab dan ketawa-ketiwi lepas bgt. (ketawanya bos ku khas bgt, ngakak, renyah...). Aku sungguh ga suka suasana kaku. (well, kadang ngerasa di militer itu bnr2 hrs tunduk dgn atasan yg lebih tua, dan yg muda hanya bs nurut, ga boleh bantah......arrrgh.....aku kadang ga tahan..... I miss my freedom and independence that i used to get when i was with ME)
Setelah 6 bulan disini, aku merasa tidak begitu berarti............ dan bertanya2 apakah mereka mempertimbangkan keberadaanku disini berarti atau tidak.......
Ternyata....... aku naik gaji.....Alhamdulillah......
Sedikit memberi jawaban ttg pertanyaan apakah mereka menganggap ku berarti dan mengakui keberadaanku di sini......
Tapi aku msh selalu bertanya dlm hati, "Mei....kamu ngapain sih di sini?"
Thursday, 30 August 2007
Monday, 6 August 2007
May U Rest in Peace...
Again, I received an SMS from unordinary person. This time is from a woman that I’ve never met. I think she is a very nice and caring lady, I notice from her words that she types and also from the fact that she still remembers me, even that we’ve never met each other yet. I shed my tear suddenly.
It started around 2,5 years ago, when I did my research to finish my thesis. My subject of research required me to learn about the tissue culture plantation, although I majored at Socio-Economics. I learned from zero about tissue culture, the chemical composition, the seed that we have to select, the techniques of planting it, the price of all the tools and equipments needed to support, etc. I would need to know the feasibility of planting a particular ornamental crop, called Ruscus Aculeatus, in a tissue culture media. It took longer than I predicted because tissue culture is so complicated, and not everybody can do it.
The place that I needed to go to regularly was called Balithi (Balai Penelitian Tanaman Hias) or Indonesian Ornamental Crops Research Institute , located near Cipanas market, West Java. Very fresh air and cold weather still we can get there. I was quiet happy of getting this place as my research sampling area. My lecturer, who is also a socio-economist, didn’t visit me to teach how to do a research in a laboratory. The only laboratory that we have at socio-economics is computer laboratory where we learned about SPSS, Minitab, or other statistic lessons. Totally different with tissue culture lab, indeed hehehe. I was tought only by the head of lab on the first day, and I had to do it by myself for the next.
It was a guy named Bima, a lab keeper who helped me in struggling with my first experience in tissue culture. A Sundanese- Holland, nice, helpful and good looking guy, a year older than me. He finished his study until high school only, majoring on social science. But amazingly, he was trusted as the lab keeper who took care and prepared all the natural science materials, equipments, and chemical compositions for the tissue culture plantation. I was so proud of him, and am still until now.
As a socio-economist, I was not good enough in doing laboratory things. The normal and acceptable failure for the lab people in planting by tissue culture is 20% maximum, and I made a new history with 40%. Oh God, I felt really bad because the head of the lab was quite disappointed and told it to my lecturer, who is a close friend of hers as well. Thank God, my lecturer could understand. She reminded the head of the lab, that I’m not an agronomist, but a socio-economist that used to deal only with agribusiness, not a lab.
Bima gave me so much help by teaching me what to do, helping me prepare all the lab equipments, giving all the datas and infos that I needed, taking me to places that would complete my research, giving me a new spirit after the 40% contaminations, and so on. We spent quite a lot of good times, and became a good friend eventually. He told me almost all of his personal problems and so did I, then we discuss for the solutions. He told me he was very close with her mother, he loves her so much. From there then I knew that he is a nice guy, and I was happy of having a new friend like him.
I was excited and sad at the same time, when I finished my research. I felt satisfied that finally I could finish the hard tissue culture planting, and got an A for the thesis. But, on the other hand I felt that I was gonna lose a good friend like Bima. I felt that I owed him so much, after all those times. I wanted to buy something for him, just as a gift for a good friend. Knowing he loved to wear a cap, I bought one with his favorite style. He told me he liked it so much, good to know. It was the last time I met him.
After graduated, I went to Singapore for work. I called him once or twice just to say hi, and to know he’s ok. He told me he was so proud of me.
A year later, I went back to Indonesia and worked for the same company in Jakarta office. For several months, we didn’t contact each other. Then someday, I felt that I missed him so much and wanted to know how he was doing. I called him up, but there was no answer. I was desperate of calling him, and wondered why he didn’t tell me if he changed his number.
Some days after that, he sent me a message. (God, I have a strong instinct). He told me he missed me and that his mobile was broken. I called him back, it was on Friday, and we had a very long chat. Thank God I can hear his voice again. He also told me he just recovered from an illness. After more than 15 minutes conversation, we know that both of us were having love problem with our own boy/girlfriend. We laughed and cursed our couple each other. We decided to meet in Jakarta in a weekend.
If only I knew it was my last conversation with him, I would not hang up the phone that fast, to talk to him more, and more and more.
On a Sunday morning, 9 days after that conversation, a day after I broke up with my boyfriend that time, I got a call from his number. But it wasn’t him who talked to me. It was her mother, crying and telling that Bima was no longer alive. Exactly on last Friday, he passed away. She didn’t know the cause, no body was besides him when he took his last breath, because he was sleeping. She couldn’t talk any longer, I couldn’t either.
I cried and dropped much tears from my eyes. I lose a good friend of mine. I lose Bima……………………………………………………..
I still couldn’t believe it, that sometimes I still wanted to call him or send him SMS after his death. I can only pray to God, to forgive all his mistakes and give him a good place there.
Months went by, but I will never forget him.
My business in work didn’t give me time and opportunity to come to Cipanas, West Java, to see his cemetery and meet his mom.
These days, I don’t know why I remember about him. And, I don’t know whether it’s just a coincidence or my instinct is really strong, his mom SMS me. She tells me that she remembers me these days (God…..as I these days remember her son), asks me how I’m doing, and tells me how often Bima told her about me when he was still alive.
I drop my tears again, just so sudden………
She says, she wants to see me and know me more. I promise to come to Cipanas as soon as I have free time.
Bima, if only u knew me and your mother really miss u now, babe.
May u rest in peace there....
It started around 2,5 years ago, when I did my research to finish my thesis. My subject of research required me to learn about the tissue culture plantation, although I majored at Socio-Economics. I learned from zero about tissue culture, the chemical composition, the seed that we have to select, the techniques of planting it, the price of all the tools and equipments needed to support, etc. I would need to know the feasibility of planting a particular ornamental crop, called Ruscus Aculeatus, in a tissue culture media. It took longer than I predicted because tissue culture is so complicated, and not everybody can do it.
The place that I needed to go to regularly was called Balithi (Balai Penelitian Tanaman Hias) or Indonesian Ornamental Crops Research Institute , located near Cipanas market, West Java. Very fresh air and cold weather still we can get there. I was quiet happy of getting this place as my research sampling area. My lecturer, who is also a socio-economist, didn’t visit me to teach how to do a research in a laboratory. The only laboratory that we have at socio-economics is computer laboratory where we learned about SPSS, Minitab, or other statistic lessons. Totally different with tissue culture lab, indeed hehehe. I was tought only by the head of lab on the first day, and I had to do it by myself for the next.
It was a guy named Bima, a lab keeper who helped me in struggling with my first experience in tissue culture. A Sundanese- Holland, nice, helpful and good looking guy, a year older than me. He finished his study until high school only, majoring on social science. But amazingly, he was trusted as the lab keeper who took care and prepared all the natural science materials, equipments, and chemical compositions for the tissue culture plantation. I was so proud of him, and am still until now.
As a socio-economist, I was not good enough in doing laboratory things. The normal and acceptable failure for the lab people in planting by tissue culture is 20% maximum, and I made a new history with 40%. Oh God, I felt really bad because the head of the lab was quite disappointed and told it to my lecturer, who is a close friend of hers as well. Thank God, my lecturer could understand. She reminded the head of the lab, that I’m not an agronomist, but a socio-economist that used to deal only with agribusiness, not a lab.
Bima gave me so much help by teaching me what to do, helping me prepare all the lab equipments, giving all the datas and infos that I needed, taking me to places that would complete my research, giving me a new spirit after the 40% contaminations, and so on. We spent quite a lot of good times, and became a good friend eventually. He told me almost all of his personal problems and so did I, then we discuss for the solutions. He told me he was very close with her mother, he loves her so much. From there then I knew that he is a nice guy, and I was happy of having a new friend like him.
I was excited and sad at the same time, when I finished my research. I felt satisfied that finally I could finish the hard tissue culture planting, and got an A for the thesis. But, on the other hand I felt that I was gonna lose a good friend like Bima. I felt that I owed him so much, after all those times. I wanted to buy something for him, just as a gift for a good friend. Knowing he loved to wear a cap, I bought one with his favorite style. He told me he liked it so much, good to know. It was the last time I met him.
After graduated, I went to Singapore for work. I called him once or twice just to say hi, and to know he’s ok. He told me he was so proud of me.
A year later, I went back to Indonesia and worked for the same company in Jakarta office. For several months, we didn’t contact each other. Then someday, I felt that I missed him so much and wanted to know how he was doing. I called him up, but there was no answer. I was desperate of calling him, and wondered why he didn’t tell me if he changed his number.
Some days after that, he sent me a message. (God, I have a strong instinct). He told me he missed me and that his mobile was broken. I called him back, it was on Friday, and we had a very long chat. Thank God I can hear his voice again. He also told me he just recovered from an illness. After more than 15 minutes conversation, we know that both of us were having love problem with our own boy/girlfriend. We laughed and cursed our couple each other. We decided to meet in Jakarta in a weekend.
If only I knew it was my last conversation with him, I would not hang up the phone that fast, to talk to him more, and more and more.
On a Sunday morning, 9 days after that conversation, a day after I broke up with my boyfriend that time, I got a call from his number. But it wasn’t him who talked to me. It was her mother, crying and telling that Bima was no longer alive. Exactly on last Friday, he passed away. She didn’t know the cause, no body was besides him when he took his last breath, because he was sleeping. She couldn’t talk any longer, I couldn’t either.
I cried and dropped much tears from my eyes. I lose a good friend of mine. I lose Bima……………………………………………………..
I still couldn’t believe it, that sometimes I still wanted to call him or send him SMS after his death. I can only pray to God, to forgive all his mistakes and give him a good place there.
Months went by, but I will never forget him.
My business in work didn’t give me time and opportunity to come to Cipanas, West Java, to see his cemetery and meet his mom.
These days, I don’t know why I remember about him. And, I don’t know whether it’s just a coincidence or my instinct is really strong, his mom SMS me. She tells me that she remembers me these days (God…..as I these days remember her son), asks me how I’m doing, and tells me how often Bima told her about me when he was still alive.
I drop my tears again, just so sudden………
She says, she wants to see me and know me more. I promise to come to Cipanas as soon as I have free time.
Bima, if only u knew me and your mother really miss u now, babe.
May u rest in peace there....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
