Suddenly, I remember about Bima’s mother.
I used to send her a message or call her when she just pop up in my mind, or when her son does. But now, I can’t do anything because I lost her number and her address. I have a feeling that when I miss somebody or remember somebody just all of a sudden, that means that person also just remember me, or simply miss me.
I was totally down when I lost her son. It was just a week before that, I talked to him for the last time, then she called me telling the news. And the day before, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was totally down receiving unpleasant situation two days in a row.
Now I don’t know how to contact her. She and her husband live far away from Jakarta, will take more than 2 hours to reach her house out of town. I just hope that she will contact me very soon because I miss her, I miss his son too.
I do care about his family, I don’t want something bad happens to his family.
One evening, when I was staring at the moon, I wondered whether he was staring at the same moon that I was staring? I miss his soul. I pray that u are rest in peace there. Dear God
Sunday, 12 October 2008
Dear God
Dear God,
Please forgive me for being brave enough to write a letter to You.
My loneliness and confusion make me longing for you, want to get closer to You and be friends with You.
I’m not into crying and being melancholic when I talk to You, neither to my friends and families. I prefer to talk in a normal tone, from the heart, in a normal conversation situation. So please forgive once again for not being able to be melancholic when I ask something to You.
I am so grateful for everything You give me, bless me. Eventhough as a human I always want more and more and more than what You have been giving me. This is also my reason to apology.
What I ‘m afraid of right now is that You will take back everything You have been giving me. My families, friends, relatives, my brain(although I’m not smart enough but I m happy with how You show me how to use it), my heart (for being able to be nice and open to various people characteristics). Please keep every precious thing in my life, God, and let me enjoy, use and take care of them.
However, I’m feeling not enough now. Maybe I’m a bit greedy, but I am not satisfied with what I am now. I want and need to do and be more than what I’m doing and being now. Somehow I feel that You are talking to me and asking do I want more?
And somehow I believe that You will give me more, because I believe You love me. I just need to be patient and keep praying, and doing and struggling with this.
The way I’m thinking now is that you are giving me the opportunity to feel how people, who are not as lucky as me, running their lives. How they struggle and solve problems, how they act and response to conditions, etc.
Honestly, I still don’t know what should I do now. Being enough and trying to settle down, or still need to dream and achieve something that honestly I’m still not sure what it is.
Some people say I’m so lucky and blessed with what I am now. But I’m not yet feeling the same way. See, I’m so greedy and feeling not enough. Please forgive me. I should have been so grateful from a very previous time.
Oh, Dear God…. Please help me. Why is everything so confusing and looks like puzzles, mysteries, hidden meanings?
I know and do believe that You always work in mysterious ways.
Perhaps, I’m just not smart enough to realize it.
Please forgive me for being brave enough to write a letter to You.
My loneliness and confusion make me longing for you, want to get closer to You and be friends with You.
I’m not into crying and being melancholic when I talk to You, neither to my friends and families. I prefer to talk in a normal tone, from the heart, in a normal conversation situation. So please forgive once again for not being able to be melancholic when I ask something to You.
I am so grateful for everything You give me, bless me. Eventhough as a human I always want more and more and more than what You have been giving me. This is also my reason to apology.
What I ‘m afraid of right now is that You will take back everything You have been giving me. My families, friends, relatives, my brain(although I’m not smart enough but I m happy with how You show me how to use it), my heart (for being able to be nice and open to various people characteristics). Please keep every precious thing in my life, God, and let me enjoy, use and take care of them.
However, I’m feeling not enough now. Maybe I’m a bit greedy, but I am not satisfied with what I am now. I want and need to do and be more than what I’m doing and being now. Somehow I feel that You are talking to me and asking do I want more?
And somehow I believe that You will give me more, because I believe You love me. I just need to be patient and keep praying, and doing and struggling with this.
The way I’m thinking now is that you are giving me the opportunity to feel how people, who are not as lucky as me, running their lives. How they struggle and solve problems, how they act and response to conditions, etc.
Honestly, I still don’t know what should I do now. Being enough and trying to settle down, or still need to dream and achieve something that honestly I’m still not sure what it is.
Some people say I’m so lucky and blessed with what I am now. But I’m not yet feeling the same way. See, I’m so greedy and feeling not enough. Please forgive me. I should have been so grateful from a very previous time.
Oh, Dear God…. Please help me. Why is everything so confusing and looks like puzzles, mysteries, hidden meanings?
I know and do believe that You always work in mysterious ways.
Perhaps, I’m just not smart enough to realize it.
Thursday, 2 October 2008
Sepi........................
Sepi…..
Satu kata itu kynya cocok bgt utk gw di lebaran kali ini.
Ibu dan ade gw yg kecil udah mudik bareng sejak hari Jum’at sebelum lebaran. Ade gw yg satu lagi udah berangkat juga bareng tante gw pas malem takbiran. Bokap gw tentunya (kaya tahun2 sebelumnya) Siaga 1. Maklum abdi negara, pas hari2 besar malah ga bisa kumpul bareng keluarga. Biasanya abis lebaran baru bisa ambil cuti, untuk jemput keluarga yg udah mudik duluan.
Gw?
Ramadhan hari ke-tiga gw seperti mendapat rejeki bulan puasa. Kemaren2 gw Cuma denger bahwa rejeki bulan puasa memang tak terduga, tp blm pernah ngalamin sendiri. Tapi tahun ini, gw merasakannya sendiri. Gw udah 2 bln nganggur. Keputusan resign dari kerjaan sebelumnya di mana gaji lumayan, ternyata menimbulkan opini macem2, dari tmn n keluarga. Mau puasa, apalagi lebaran, company jarang merekrut orang. Biasanya abis lebaran baru rame lagi bursa tenaga kerja. Tapi saat itu gw udah ga bisa mikir jernih lg, setelah kejadian2 yang gw udah ga bisa terima, gw nekat resign. Walopun setelah keluar gw masih ditelponin untuk balik lagi, tp gw ga akan menjilat lagi ludah yg udah keluar.
Ramadhan hari ketiga, pagi2 gw iseng apply. Setengah jam selanjutnya ada panggilan. Percaya ga percaya sih, krn waktu itu gw masih asik chating ama tmn2 yg lg online. Gw dipanggil interview 4 jam kemudian. What??? Ternyata company itu sedang desperate cari orang utk gantiin salah satu karyawannya yg mau cuti melahirkan. So, after that, let see..... Kalo kedua belah pihak (gw and company) cocok, akan ada pembicaraan lagi. Kalo ada salah satu pihak yg ga cocok (either me or the company) ya, that’s it. Thanks and good bye. Tapi waktu mereka tanya, what’s my plan for the next 4 months, gw terus terang lah bahwa gw ada harapan utk kerja di company ini (ya iya lah, siapa jg yg ga mau gawe di giant company ky gitu), baik di departemen ini ato di departemen lain. Tapi ya itu td, 4 bulan rasanya cukup untuk merenung, meresapi, menimbang2 dan berpikir2 utk langkah selanjutnya.
Singkat cerita, gw diterima dan tanggal 8 September/ 8 Ramadhan mulai kerja (pretty fast process) for such a big company. Alhamdulillah….. walopun dengan gaji yg biasa2 aja, namanya juga staff biasa. Sebenernya cukup sih, asal gw bisa menahan diri ga usah kost, jangan sering2 hang out, tahan diri dari godaan sana sini. Tapi karena gw pernah merasakan digaji jauh lebih dari itu, ya berasa perlu waktu aja utk merasa tenang dan cukup dengan sejumlah itu. Dear God, jauhkanlah gw dari kufur nikmat…….. I thank You for everything you give and bless me with. Terlebih working environment-nya enak and company culturenya oke.
Sebagai new employee gw pastinya nurut ama atasan gw, yang kebetulan, kampungnya cuma di Bogor. Dan ternyata dia pula lah yang mengusulkan ga usah ada cuti bersama, dan sialnya disetujui oleh sang direktur HRD. She doesn’t seem enjoying the moment of togetherness with families. Sampe H-1 gw dibuatnya masih masuk kerja dan ketika kerjaan gw udah kelar pun, dibuatnya nunggu sampe jam 2an, baru bisa pulang menyambut malam takbiran. Emang sih kerjaan bakal banyak setelah lebaran nanti, krn akan ada 2 regional trening yg bakal kita handle. Tapi kalo ga kita sendiri yg control, work is really like never
ending…..
So….here I am…..
Libur cuma rabu-kamis pas tanggal merah. Jum’at udah masuk lg, di mana orang2 masih pada maen petasan, salam2an, ketemu sodara2 di kampong masing2.
Agak miris jg pas malem takbiran, gw bnr2 sendiri…ri…ri…ri….
Setelah merenung ttg kesalahan2 gw, gw putuskan ga mau terlalu larut dlm kemelow-an. ….
Yah, sleeping is the best thing to do…….
Kebetulan gw lg ga sholat, jd besok paginya, pas orang2 berangkat sholat Ied, gw sibuk di dapur, manasin opor yang nyokap pesen ke orang, beres2 and menata2 kue di meja.
Sekarang H+ 1, gw jg masih sendiri. Tmn2 pastinya pada sibuk dengan urusan keluarga masing2. Nyokap pastinya lg kumpul keluarga besar, krn keluarga nyokap ada tradisi kumpul keluarga besar pas hari ke-2. Bokap masuk kerja seperti biasa, mengabdi kepada negara.
Gw yg ga punya tmn di sekitar rumah, bingung sendiri mau ngapain. So, after (lagi-lagi) manasin opor dan bersih2 rumah, and after bokap berangkat, gw mengurung diri lagi di rumah. Kadang ngurung di kamar kalo di AXN or Starworld lg ada acara bgs. SMS sana sini, telpon sana sini, but everybody seems busy with various Eid program. Hm….jadi inget si Henry, tetangga n tmn paling deket secara geografis. Pernah pas gw jg lg sendirian (lupa pas moment apa ya), Dia mau dateng bela2in bawa martabak n nemenin ngobrol ampe hampir subuh. Untung ga digrebek saat itu, hehehe.....
Inget setahun lalu, dimana keluarga jg pada mudik dan gw dapet liburnya udah mepet dengan hari H, tiket udah impossible to get. Tapi ada si Mac, tmn Hospitality Club dari London yg lg traveling ke Indonesia. Dia ngajakin ke Kebun Raya hari kedua. Agak aneh bwt gw, tp secara saat itu gw gada kerjaan ya udah deh.....cabut ke KRB. Kaya orang pacaran ajah......:P. Besokannya dia ngajak ke Bandung, lets go....... We had fun but I know the limit lah…..
Tapi kali ini……. Really nothing to do. Halal bi halal terdekat baru hari minggu, di rumah Indah di Bogor. Besok jumat gw kudu kerja dulu L( . Semoga Cuma setengah hari….huh…kynya sih day dreaming nih….
Inget temen2 yg lg di luar…..
Budi di JB, yg baru sebulan merintis karir jd dokter hewan di Malaysia,
Amel di Chiang Mai, yg lg kuliah master,
Fiqrie di Roma, yg ktnya sekarang masih Eurotrip sebelum pulang ke Indo,
Rian di Belanda, yg seharusnya udah pulang brg Mba Mul,
Rahman di SG,
Apa mereka jg kesepian ky gw ya?
Kalo Budi sih kynya iya.....hehehe.....krn kalo lg OL pasti ketemunya dia yg ngadu seharian blm makan lah, blm keluar rumah lah, etc....
Acara2 TV kok ya membosankan......
Nyokap kapan pulang....
Si mba juga..... baju kotor gw udah lumayan menumpuk....huh.....
Ade2 gw, yg walopun kalo ketemu cuman berantem2an, tp kalo gada berasa jg sepinya.
Dita pernah ngajak ke gading, cari makan, krn kebanyakan pada tutup pas lebaran. Rudi jg kebetulan ga mudik ke Brastagi. Let’s go bow......
Tapi besok akyu kerja dulu ya.......sabtu aja jalannya.......
Eh, sabtu ada acara CS, ada bule yg pengen potret seputar jakarta sepanjang jalur busway dari Kota-Blok M......
Jumat malem deh,,,,,,,,,
Satu kata itu kynya cocok bgt utk gw di lebaran kali ini.
Ibu dan ade gw yg kecil udah mudik bareng sejak hari Jum’at sebelum lebaran. Ade gw yg satu lagi udah berangkat juga bareng tante gw pas malem takbiran. Bokap gw tentunya (kaya tahun2 sebelumnya) Siaga 1. Maklum abdi negara, pas hari2 besar malah ga bisa kumpul bareng keluarga. Biasanya abis lebaran baru bisa ambil cuti, untuk jemput keluarga yg udah mudik duluan.
Gw?
Ramadhan hari ke-tiga gw seperti mendapat rejeki bulan puasa. Kemaren2 gw Cuma denger bahwa rejeki bulan puasa memang tak terduga, tp blm pernah ngalamin sendiri. Tapi tahun ini, gw merasakannya sendiri. Gw udah 2 bln nganggur. Keputusan resign dari kerjaan sebelumnya di mana gaji lumayan, ternyata menimbulkan opini macem2, dari tmn n keluarga. Mau puasa, apalagi lebaran, company jarang merekrut orang. Biasanya abis lebaran baru rame lagi bursa tenaga kerja. Tapi saat itu gw udah ga bisa mikir jernih lg, setelah kejadian2 yang gw udah ga bisa terima, gw nekat resign. Walopun setelah keluar gw masih ditelponin untuk balik lagi, tp gw ga akan menjilat lagi ludah yg udah keluar.
Ramadhan hari ketiga, pagi2 gw iseng apply. Setengah jam selanjutnya ada panggilan. Percaya ga percaya sih, krn waktu itu gw masih asik chating ama tmn2 yg lg online. Gw dipanggil interview 4 jam kemudian. What??? Ternyata company itu sedang desperate cari orang utk gantiin salah satu karyawannya yg mau cuti melahirkan. So, after that, let see..... Kalo kedua belah pihak (gw and company) cocok, akan ada pembicaraan lagi. Kalo ada salah satu pihak yg ga cocok (either me or the company) ya, that’s it. Thanks and good bye. Tapi waktu mereka tanya, what’s my plan for the next 4 months, gw terus terang lah bahwa gw ada harapan utk kerja di company ini (ya iya lah, siapa jg yg ga mau gawe di giant company ky gitu), baik di departemen ini ato di departemen lain. Tapi ya itu td, 4 bulan rasanya cukup untuk merenung, meresapi, menimbang2 dan berpikir2 utk langkah selanjutnya.
Singkat cerita, gw diterima dan tanggal 8 September/ 8 Ramadhan mulai kerja (pretty fast process) for such a big company. Alhamdulillah….. walopun dengan gaji yg biasa2 aja, namanya juga staff biasa. Sebenernya cukup sih, asal gw bisa menahan diri ga usah kost, jangan sering2 hang out, tahan diri dari godaan sana sini. Tapi karena gw pernah merasakan digaji jauh lebih dari itu, ya berasa perlu waktu aja utk merasa tenang dan cukup dengan sejumlah itu. Dear God, jauhkanlah gw dari kufur nikmat…….. I thank You for everything you give and bless me with. Terlebih working environment-nya enak and company culturenya oke.
Sebagai new employee gw pastinya nurut ama atasan gw, yang kebetulan, kampungnya cuma di Bogor. Dan ternyata dia pula lah yang mengusulkan ga usah ada cuti bersama, dan sialnya disetujui oleh sang direktur HRD. She doesn’t seem enjoying the moment of togetherness with families. Sampe H-1 gw dibuatnya masih masuk kerja dan ketika kerjaan gw udah kelar pun, dibuatnya nunggu sampe jam 2an, baru bisa pulang menyambut malam takbiran. Emang sih kerjaan bakal banyak setelah lebaran nanti, krn akan ada 2 regional trening yg bakal kita handle. Tapi kalo ga kita sendiri yg control, work is really like never
ending…..
So….here I am…..
Libur cuma rabu-kamis pas tanggal merah. Jum’at udah masuk lg, di mana orang2 masih pada maen petasan, salam2an, ketemu sodara2 di kampong masing2.
Agak miris jg pas malem takbiran, gw bnr2 sendiri…ri…ri…ri….
Setelah merenung ttg kesalahan2 gw, gw putuskan ga mau terlalu larut dlm kemelow-an. ….
Yah, sleeping is the best thing to do…….
Kebetulan gw lg ga sholat, jd besok paginya, pas orang2 berangkat sholat Ied, gw sibuk di dapur, manasin opor yang nyokap pesen ke orang, beres2 and menata2 kue di meja.
Sekarang H+ 1, gw jg masih sendiri. Tmn2 pastinya pada sibuk dengan urusan keluarga masing2. Nyokap pastinya lg kumpul keluarga besar, krn keluarga nyokap ada tradisi kumpul keluarga besar pas hari ke-2. Bokap masuk kerja seperti biasa, mengabdi kepada negara.
Gw yg ga punya tmn di sekitar rumah, bingung sendiri mau ngapain. So, after (lagi-lagi) manasin opor dan bersih2 rumah, and after bokap berangkat, gw mengurung diri lagi di rumah. Kadang ngurung di kamar kalo di AXN or Starworld lg ada acara bgs. SMS sana sini, telpon sana sini, but everybody seems busy with various Eid program. Hm….jadi inget si Henry, tetangga n tmn paling deket secara geografis. Pernah pas gw jg lg sendirian (lupa pas moment apa ya), Dia mau dateng bela2in bawa martabak n nemenin ngobrol ampe hampir subuh. Untung ga digrebek saat itu, hehehe.....
Inget setahun lalu, dimana keluarga jg pada mudik dan gw dapet liburnya udah mepet dengan hari H, tiket udah impossible to get. Tapi ada si Mac, tmn Hospitality Club dari London yg lg traveling ke Indonesia. Dia ngajakin ke Kebun Raya hari kedua. Agak aneh bwt gw, tp secara saat itu gw gada kerjaan ya udah deh.....cabut ke KRB. Kaya orang pacaran ajah......:P. Besokannya dia ngajak ke Bandung, lets go....... We had fun but I know the limit lah…..
Tapi kali ini……. Really nothing to do. Halal bi halal terdekat baru hari minggu, di rumah Indah di Bogor. Besok jumat gw kudu kerja dulu L( . Semoga Cuma setengah hari….huh…kynya sih day dreaming nih….
Inget temen2 yg lg di luar…..
Budi di JB, yg baru sebulan merintis karir jd dokter hewan di Malaysia,
Amel di Chiang Mai, yg lg kuliah master,
Fiqrie di Roma, yg ktnya sekarang masih Eurotrip sebelum pulang ke Indo,
Rian di Belanda, yg seharusnya udah pulang brg Mba Mul,
Rahman di SG,
Apa mereka jg kesepian ky gw ya?
Kalo Budi sih kynya iya.....hehehe.....krn kalo lg OL pasti ketemunya dia yg ngadu seharian blm makan lah, blm keluar rumah lah, etc....
Acara2 TV kok ya membosankan......
Nyokap kapan pulang....
Si mba juga..... baju kotor gw udah lumayan menumpuk....huh.....
Ade2 gw, yg walopun kalo ketemu cuman berantem2an, tp kalo gada berasa jg sepinya.
Dita pernah ngajak ke gading, cari makan, krn kebanyakan pada tutup pas lebaran. Rudi jg kebetulan ga mudik ke Brastagi. Let’s go bow......
Tapi besok akyu kerja dulu ya.......sabtu aja jalannya.......
Eh, sabtu ada acara CS, ada bule yg pengen potret seputar jakarta sepanjang jalur busway dari Kota-Blok M......
Jumat malem deh,,,,,,,,,
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